you know what i love about blogging... there are no rules =) it seems that everything i write is so regulated now- so controlled- so... unnatural... and well... its nice to just sit and write, knowing the next 1000 or so words are mine.. I can say what i want- without having to consider a mark scheme.

first of all- MUSHROOM- will u please become ure paparazzi, extreme-blogger, full on emo self-expressionist, self again- i loved it when i didnt have to do anything to get inside ure head- and now i feel like im loosing touch with u- its gotten so extreme im considering E-MAILING u to find out how u are.
and ofcause- =/ secondly, sorry lou-lou jo jess naz and the other ppl who's e-mails have been in my inbox for fucking ages- yeh.... im gonna do something about that soon for sure no worries.

So the suns out in Luxembourg- and ive rescued my short skirts from the back of my wardrobe, and broken out my flip-flops for the summer- and =) im happy. Cos you see after the winter came, i spent almost all my time inside, and when i was outside i was in pain from the cold and couldnt move because of my huge Paddington bear coat. but now- i can move again- i can wander around in sox, i can spin in my minis like a little girl - i can sit and be at peace, i can be silly and laugh- i can wander forever- i can run. Well when i have time - anyway my point is- i woke up about 10 days ago and it was may- and suddenly I was blessed with 4 more hours daylight, and basically the freedom to be outside whenever i want. lol your probably all reading this thinking what is she on =/ but when u survive your first winter- u come out the other end able to appreciate all the things you took for granted when you lived in Asia.

The weather also started me thinking- when the winter set in last year a dark cloud set over me as well, things suddenly got a lot harder, I lost a lot of the other things I also took for granted when I was in Asia- but over the past few months ive slowly got them back again- im suddenly remembering how it feels to be able to say anything you want to a close friend and know they wont judge you- how it feels when you trust a guy enough to sit on his knee or allow him to drive you home- cos you know for sure he wont demand anything in return- how it feels to be sublimely happy just sit and sleepily listen to your friends- how it feels to be truly needed by someone and know that you can depend on them =) - and well... im okay now- sure i get this sudden lump in my throat when i see a photo of jess- or when i wake up at kates and for a moment, just a moment, i think the red hair on the pillow next to me is charlies- or when i see a boy in a white baseball cap like anthoneys- but- i know now that it will be okay, ive come out of the winter, ive come out of being new, and sure ive got deep scares to prove it- and I know that was probably nothing, I will undoubtedly go thorough worse times, but =) cheesy as it sounds im stronger, pissed off with humanity and pessimistic about the state of the world sure, but stronger.

I went to see FEAR FACTORY (the people in the picture) last week lol- i went from ronan keeting to heavy, heavy metal in four steps- =/ it was the bomb- i felt so.... =) normal lol the people were the out of this world- i loved it- it was so nice to see people who were just so proud to be so DIFFERENT lol- the music was well...umm… i loved some of it- but most was just noise to me- =) but yeh some of it was reali good- i was just getting into it when the singer (??)..i guess he was singing kinda… got electrocuted- so yeh… they didnt finish the set lol it was funny- he suddenly stormed off with no explanation- and the entire hall was like... huh??

and my darlings =) im happy to report that although summer has brought all the pratish convertible driving 'oh look at me, i think im great, i dont have to wait for you to cross the road because I own a Ferrari' capitalists out of the woodwork my faith in the white man was restored today when i saw this woman help a blind man she did not know onto the bus =) lol things like that stop me from feeling so unique

and yeh =) i guess thats it- i love u all by the way and =D its only 2 months and 27 days untill im back =D

oh and my darling tiffany i hope u recover from your chiken-pox soon - Kisses sweetheart

and =) you all must listen too:
-you had time- ani Defranco
-the kooks- naive- if u havnt seen it download the video also- im fricking mesmorised- its just...beyond...
and
- Fascinating New Thing- Semisonic

kisses and love-
hanaxoxo